Starting Over

I had a blog on Yahoo 360 for many years.  That site has now gone by the wayside. 

The blog started off as a way for me to just "release" whatever was inside.  It was very cathartic.  When my husband and I were having problems it later became a way for us to communicate - to bitch at each other, to express our love for each other, to tell each other what was going on in our lives.  On his blog was where he told the world of our love.  I also met many new friends through that blog - eventually having over 500 followers.

Years later I have found that I seemed to have "lost" most of myself.  My husband passed away, my daughter grew up and moved out, I seem to only be "doing" for others and not "doing" for myself.

I don't think I love myself anymore. 

I think I have become self-destructive because of my lack of love for myself.  I blame that on me.  By doing only for others and not doing for me - I lost my identity.  I need to now find a balance in my life.  There is no reason that I cannot still "do" for others and organizations - but I need to learn to take time for ME as well - and I don't mean what I've been doing for the last 4 years - having MY time being sitting in front of the TV mindlessly watching shows I'm really not interested in - and EATING - I need to get back to doing things for ME - whether it is reading a book or magazine, riding my bike, exploring parts of the area.

Mostly I need to start taking care of myself again.  I am not physically or mentally healthy.  I need to "heal myself."

I can pinpoint mostly when most of my "issues" started - different times for different issues - maybe I will get into that later.  For now - I think I'll just start blogging again.  That helped before - and maybe it will help again!

I'm back!  (....a little bit at a time - baby steps!)